I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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