Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
