there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
