Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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