he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Maybe he injected his testicle?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
