Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
