M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
