epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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