Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
