Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
