What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
