this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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