My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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