Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
