It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
