I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
