So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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