I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
