is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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