Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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