weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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