So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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