Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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