Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
