Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Holy shit dude........stairs
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
