Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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