There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
handjob tips. give me some.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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