Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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