just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
