Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
