it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
