the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I died a long time ago.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
