like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
