The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
