Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
