i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
