There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
