so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
