I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
