I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You smell like stripper and shame
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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