Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
