If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
