anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
