these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
