He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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