do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
