I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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