im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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