Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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