We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
