I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
