I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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