im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
