My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
