Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
MIDGETS
????
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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