We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
