I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
