we have officially lost it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
