Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
