I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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