Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
