please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
