i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
