you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
