if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
