Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
