Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
