you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
