as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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