You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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