the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
