we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You made out with two different species that night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
